cool exec with a heart of steel (iron) wrote in ygo_transcript,
cool exec with a heart of steel

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Abridged Series, Episode 11.

More or less by request of cruxis, who wanted to know if transcripts of littlekuriboh's Abridged Series are available anywhere.

I'm waiting for ice to freeze, so I transcribed episode 11.

Abridged series, episode 11:

Opening: Previously on Buffy The Vampire slayer... Just kidding, it's only Yu-Gi-Oh!

[Kaiba is seen flying on his helicopter]

Kaiba: I have to reach Pegasus's island. Thankfully, I can pilot a helicopter. Thank God for Microsoft Flight Simulator. Once I get there, I'll probably bump into Yuugi. I'll never forget how he beat me in a card game. I can remember it like it was just yesterday.

[Flashback to an episode from the First Series.]

Yami: Wait a moment, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?

Kaiba: Yeah, so?

Yami: That's against the rules, isn't it?

Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have green hair!

[End Flashback]

Kaiba: Huh... Well, that was just weird. I should probably cut down on the drugs.

[Cue theme-song.]

[Yuugi and Ryou are sitting in the woods.]

Yuugi: Look Bakura! Your Millennium Ring is acting really peculiar!

Ryou: Oh, that's just my gaydar. My father had it installed in my Millennium Ring in order to protect me. Because I look so bloody effeminate.

Yuugi: I wonder why it's pointing toward Pegasus' castle...

Ryou: [quickly] Bugger if I know.

[Scene switches to Pegasus and Croquet.]

Pegasus: This tournament is simply fabulous! Ooh! Let's celebrate by watching the Spice Girls Movie!

Croquet: Oh, not again!

[Scene switches back to Ryou and Yuugi]

Ryou: I say, that reminds me of the time I was transferred into a school.

[Flashback. Ryou walks into a classroom.]

Teacher: Kids, this is our new student, Bakura. Not only is he new here, he's also British, so feel free to bully him like crazy!

Ryou: Hello everyone! It's bloody nice to meet you!

Kid1: What's wrong with his voice?

Kid2: Is he a girl?

Kid3: Go back to Russia!

Kid4: I wanna go home.

Ryou: You blokes are a bunch of wankers.

[Scene switches to Joey and Yuugi playing Duel Monsters.]

Joey: Checkmate! I sunk your battleship!

Yuugi: Joey, you redefine what it means to be a moron.

Ryou Voice-over: I was watching you play card games with your mates, when my Millennium Ring started pointing toward your Millennium Puzzle! I can't imagine why.

Yami: This Millennium Puzzle is simply fabulous!

[End Flashback]

Ryou: By the way, where are the others?

Yuugi: Joey and Tristan are busy guarding Téa. For some reason, ever since we got back from the Shadow Realm, she's been under the impression that she's a caterpillar.

[Scene switches to Téa sleeping in a sleeping bag]

Téa voice-over: Soon I'll be a beautiful butterfly, and then Yuugi will love me.

[Scene switches to a helicopter descending]

Ryou: Oh my! A helicopter! I wonder who it is.

Tristan: I hope it's Santa Claus.

Yuugi: Look! It's that guy I defeated in the first episode without even breaking a sweat! Hey loser, how's it going?

Kaiba: I'm here to kick ass and play card games, and I'm all out of cards.

Yuugi: Here's your deck, Kaiba. By the way, I'm forgiving you for hospitalizing my grandpa. Can we be super special awesome friends now?

Kaiba: Like hell. I don't have time to waste with you scoobies. No offense, Yuugi. You are a great duelist and all, but your buddy over there couldn't duel his way out of a paper bag.

[Joey runs up to Kaiba and grabs his shirt collar.]

Joey: That does it! Nobody talks about my pal, Tristan, like that!

Kaiba: I don't like to be touched by people who don't have money.

[Kaiba pushes Joey away from him, Joey falls on the ground.]

Joey: [falling down] Nyaaaa!

Yuugi: Joey, are you okay?

Ryou: [Actual 4Kids dialogue] Check his pulse, Yuugi!

Joey: It's time to duel, you big palooka!

Kaiba: This looks like the perfect opportunity to stroke my ego! [Holds out briefcase] Behold! The Briefcase of Death! This contains the prototypes of my revolutionary new Duel Disk system. So, tell me, Wheeler, are you ready to be completely emasculated in front of your friends?

Joey: I was BORN ready, Kaiba! Go, Armored Lizard!

Yuugi: I think Beyblade is gonna sue somebody.

Kaiba: Go, Battle Ox! Axe Smash attack!

Joey: You duel like a dairy farmer!

Kaiba: How appropriate. You duel like a cow.

Téa: Joey is sucking even worse than usual!

Ryou: Keep a stiff upper-lip, Joey.

Joey: So here's this giant anime dragon! [summons Red Eyes.]

Kaiba: Blue Eyes, attack his weak point for massive damage!

Voice over: RIDGE RACER!

[Red Eyes gets blasted.]

Kaiba: That costs you 599 US life-points.

Joey: No! I lost! [slumps to one knee]

Kaiba: Oh, cry me a river, mutt. You dweebs don't know what you're up against. Pegasus is ruthless. Camp, yet ruthless. I've seen it with my own eyes. It was at a surprisingly popular card game tournament in America.

[Flashback to tournament.]

Kaiba voice-over: Mokuba was supposed to be there with me, but since he got kidnapped for about the fiftieth time that month, his seat was empty. Pegasus was facing the intercontinental champion, Bandit Keith, who apparently likes to remind everyone that he's from America.

Keith: You can't beat me because I'm an American!

[Kaiba's eyes widen]

Kaiba Voice-over: See what I mean? It looked like Keith was about to win, but then, suddenly, Pegasus invited some kid from the audience to their table.

Keith: Hey! What're you doing? Asking for help is America!

Pegasus: I don't need help. A child could beat you, Bandit Keith, and I'm going to prove it.

Sam: Are you my mommy?

Kaiba voice-over: Pegasus gave the kid some instructions, and in just one turn, Bandit Keith had lost. Who would have thought that a child could win a children's card game?

Keith: This can't be America!

Pegasus: I've turned this tournament into a total farce!

Audience: Hooray!

[End Flashback]

Yuugi: And just what was that story supposed to prove?

Kaiba: It proves that I'm obscenely rich. Smell you geeks later, I have a hyperactive brother to rescue.

Tristan: I didn't even get to tell him what I want for Christmas!

[Scene switches to Pegasus]

Pegasus: Oooh! I can sense you, Kaiba boy! And once you get here, I'm going to spice up your life!

[Cue ending theme.]

[Trsistan wants a pony, by the way.]

[i think Adult Swim's gonna sue somebody.]

Yuugi: Ohmigosh, we're in trouble! What are we gonna do?

Yami: I'm going to do my laundry, could I have some change?

There're quite a few corrections needed there, as I was unsure about a few things.

And once again, as usual, my spellchecker is nearly non-existent, therefore if you spot any spelling mistakes/typos, let me know. :D

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